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Family: Types and Traditions

 

There are universal dimensions of family life, and the functions of a family are similar around the world. However, families' structures and their methods of satisfying human needs differ greatly. For example, one needs only to observe how parents talk to their young, how children respond to their parents, and the degree to which children's independence is encouraged or discouraged to know that there are significant cross-cultural differences among families.

 

Child Raising

 

Acculturation, which begins at birth, is the process of teaching new generations of children the customs and values of the parents' culture. How people treat newborns, for example, is indicative of cul­tural values. In the United States, it is common for parents to put a newborn in a separate bedroom when the child is a few weeks old. Part of the reason is economic; that is, many houses are large enough to offer each child a separate room. However, Americans have other reasons for separating their children physically soon after birth. Parents like to preserve their privacy. By having their own rooms, the children will also be able to have privacy when they are older. In addition, the children will eventually learn to be responsible for their own living space. This is seen as a first step toward personal inde­pendence.

Americans have traditionally held independence and the closely related value of individualism in high esteem. Parents try to instill these values in their children. American English expresses those value preferences: at a certain age, children should "cut the (umbilical) cord" and are encouraged not to be "tied to their mothers' apron strings." In the process of their socialization, children learn to "look out for number one" and to "stand on their own two feet."

Many children are taught at an early age to make decisions and to be responsible for their actions. Often children work for money outside the home as a first step to establishing autonomy. Some ten-year-olds, for example, mow their neighbors' lawns, and slightly older children may deliver newspapers or babysit. This type of work is encouraged by parents, who see it as a means for their children to learn the "value of a dollar" as well as learn responsibility.

 

Young Adulthood

 

Upon reaching a certain age (usually between eighteen and twenty-one years), American children have typically been encouraged, but usually not forced, to "leave the nest" and begin independent lives. However, contrary to the stereotype held by many foreigners, over 50 percent of young adults aged eighteen to twenty-four currently live in their parents' home. Young people seem to be "leaving the nest" later, largely for economic reasons. After children leave home they often find social relationships and financial support outside the family. (There is, however, a great deal of variation among ethnic groups; members of some groups continue to support their children financial­ly for many years into adulthood.) Parents do not arrange marriages for their children, nor do children usually ask their parents’ permission to get married. Romantic love is most often the basis for marriage in the United States; young adults meet their future spouses through other friends, at school, at work, and in organizations and religious institutions. Although children choose their own spouses, they still hope that their parents will approve of their choices.

 

Independence

 

In many families, parents feel that children should make major life decisions by themselves. A parent may try to influence a child to follow a particular profession, but the child is free to choose another career. Sometimes children do precisely the opposite of what their parents wish in order to assert their independence. A son, for exam­ple, may deliberately decide not to go into his father's business because of a fear that he will lose his autonomy. Independence from parents is seen as positive; parents and children love each other even with the independence that characterizes their relationship. Many parents feel that they have done a good job raising their children if their children are self-reliant by the time they reach twenty-one.

 

The Elderly

 

Societal and familial treatment of the elderly also reflects the values of independence and individualism. Their financial support is often provided by government-sponsored social security or welfare systems that decrease their dependence on the family. Additionally, older people often seek their own friends rather than becoming too emotionally dependent on their children. Senior citizen centers provide a means for peer-group association within their age group. There are problems, however, with growing old in the United States. Indifference to the aged and glorification of youth have left some old people alienated and alone. It is estimated that 15 percent of men aged sixty-five to seventy-four and 35 percent of women in the same age group live alone.

It is a common practice for families to place their older relatives in nursing homes because of physical disabilities or illness rather than caring for them in their homes. This is, however, less common for those cultural groups within the United States whose values include fulfilling obligations to the extended family. Yet, some "nonethnic" families (i.e., those who typically emphasize obligations to the nuclear family rather than to the extended family) are realiz­ing that the care in many nursing homes inadequate, and thus they are looking for better alternatives to nursing homes. Some middle-age children provide care for older relatives in their own homes, while others attempt to find nursing care for them in their parents' own homes. The ideal situation is when parents can stay in their own homes even if they cannot care for themselves. Many older people do not want to have to rely on their grown children. The same spirit of independence that guides child raising and young adulthood affects older people. If given a choice (financial status is a large considera­tion), many older people would choose to live in retirement commu­nities where they have the companionship of peers and many recre­ational and health services. The disadvantage of this type of living arrangement is that it results in a separation of the generations. Some people see this as psychologically unhealthy; others prefer the sepa­ration.

 

The Nuclear and the Extended Family

Attitudes toward the elderly can be further understood by distin­guishing between "nuclear" and "extended" family structures. In the United States, the nuclear family consists of the father, the mother, and the children; this is "the family". The extended family, which consists of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces, and in-laws, is important in the United States, but in different ways than in other cultures. Members of the extended family are not necessarily consulted when it comes to making major decisions, and it is not assumed that extended family members will take care of the children in the family. (Although in single-parent families, there is sometimes more reliance on extended family members.) In some other cultures, it is assumed that extended family members will take care of older members, have intensive contact with relatives, and establish com­munal living.

The distinction between the nuclear and the extended family is important because it suggests the extent of family ties and obligations. In extended families the children and parents have strong obligations to other relatives. In the United States, there are close ties to some extended family members (especially to grandparents), but not the same obligations that you would find in other cultures. Again, this varies among members of ethnic groups. For example, Italian-Americans, Chinese-Americans, Jewish-Americans, and Mexican-Americans, among others, have more extensive obligations and contact with extended family members than do many other Americans.

The American nuclear family usually has its own separate residence and is often economically independent of other family mem­bers. When couples marry, they are expected to live independently of their parents and become "heads of households" when they have children. In times of financial need, it is not unusual for nuclear family members to borrow money from a bank rather than from relatives. Unlike practices in some other cultures, many couples struggle to buy their own first home without expecting family members to contribute. When older parents help their married children with the "down payment" (the initial payment for a house), it is appreciated but not expected. Among members of some ethnic groups in the United States (e.g., Chinese-Americans and Filipino-Americans),extended family members often "pool" their money so that a young couple can buy a home.

 

Working Wives and Husbands

In both nuclear and extended families, the culture imposes set gen­der roles upon parents. Traditionally, the male was responsible for the financial support of the home and family members, and the female was responsible for emotional support, child raising and housekeeping. However, during the past two to three decades in the United States, gender roles have been redefined, with an increasing number of mothers in the work force. The prescribed roles of the man as the "breadwinner" and the woman as the housewife have changed dramatically. A major reason for this change is the women's movement, which has influenced society's views of desirable educa­tional goals and careers for women. In addition, because of financial necessity, it is often no longer possible for a family to live on one salary.

It is estimated that both spouses work in 63 percent of American marriages where there are children aged six to seventeen. (The figure is about 51 percent for parents with children under six.) For many women, their work represents the need to contribute to the family income and not a means of attaining personal fulfillment. These women are often carrying an extra burden. They work outside the home, yet they are still primarily responsible for the maintenance and care of the household and children. Other women choose to work because they want to share in providing financial support for the family. In addition, they want to pursue their professional interests in order to fulfill themselves and to contribute to the larger society (i.e., not just to their family.)

A challenge for couples with children is finding day core and obtaining flexible work schedules so that they can coordinate their time between home and work. Occasionally, husbands stay home and care for the children and home while the wives work. For most cou­ples, changing work patterns involves negotiating home and family tasks. Some men, even those with wives who contribute to the family income, resist doing household and family tasks that have traditional­ly been characterized as "women's work". Among many younger peo­ple, however, this is changing.

In some cases, particularly among the highly educated, there are "dual career couples", where both the husband and the wife work full-time in high-level professional jobs (e.g., lawyers, doctors, profes­sors, and managers). In these families, there is generally a more equi­table sharing of family and home responsibilities than in the larger population.

Although they are not common, there are situations where both members of a couple cannot find employment in the same geographi­cal location, and so one will move and commute back to the family on weekends. In a minority of cases, people have to fly great distances to maintain such commuter marriages. This can be a strain on the family, but both the husband and the wife are strongly com­mitted to their respective professions. Some couples believe that their family life is better because they make the most of the little "family time" that they have.

 

Single-Parent Families

Changes in the American family structure are evidenced by high rates of separation and divorce. It is estimated that almost 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. These trends have resulted in a high num­ber of single-parent families headed mostly by women. Many of these women do not receive alimony or child support payments, and are more likely to be poor than married women. Single mothers (and fathers) often feel "stretched to their limits" with the unending responsibilities that face them. They carry the burden of supporting a family and being totally responsible for their children. They have very few opportunities for rest and relaxation, unless they have sup­portive extended family members who will help them.

Despite the high numbers of single parents in the United States, there is no indication that marriage is becoming less popular. The remarriage rate; remains high, with approximately four out of five divorced couples eventually remarrying other people. When single parents marry each other, they create "stepfamilies" or "blended families."

 

Varieties of Families in the United States

In the United States, there are now families that would not have been called "families" fifty or one hundred years ago. The largest percent­age is still the traditional family with two parents and children, but this type is not even the majority of families in certain areas. Children can belong to two families, for example, if their parents are divorced. They may live with one parent for half the week and the other parent during the second half of the week. A family may be a "blended" one in which both parents have been divorced, each with their own children. They remarry and bring both sets of children into the marriage. Two women or two men with or without children can also constitute a family. Couples who have decided not to have chil­dren or unmarried couples who have chosen to live together may likewise see themselves as a "family". A single parent (e.g., divorced or widowed) having complete responsibility for the care of the chil­dren would not want to be considered lo have "less" of a family than someone in a family with two parents.

The regional, ethnic, and religious heterogeneity in the United States means that people will react differently to families that are nontraditional. Individuals also vary in their reactions to diversity in family type. (In other words, people within a region or an ethnic group will disagree on what constitutes a family.) In general, on the West and East coasts, there is more tolerance for diversity in family structures than there is in the South or the Midwest. Also, in areas where people tend to be more religions, there seems to be less accep­tance of the nontraditional family.

The various family types found in the United States may not have much in common, but they do demonstrate that the family as an institution is not dying. It is instead one that is changing and is being accommodated by a society that does not enforce "sameness" in family life style. The changes in the traditional family structure are seen by some as a breakdown or disintegration of values and a decline in morality. Others, however, believe that these shifts in family shape are inevitable in a rapidly changing society.

7. Read the text once again and prepare to speak about American families using words and phrases from the text:

a) Child raising in the USA:

· to treat newborns

· to teach customs and values

· to preserve one’s privacy

· to be responsible for one’s living space

· to instill values in children

· to cut the cord

· to be tied to mother’s apron strings

· to establish autonomy

· to learn the value of a dollar

b) the period of adulthood and getting independence:

· to leave the nest

· to live in parents’ home

· to find social relationships and financial support outside the family

· to arrange marriages

· to meet future spouses

· to approve of one’s choice

· to lose autonomy

· to raise a kid

· to be self-reliant

c) life of the elderly people:

· to provide financial support by government sponsored social security or welfare system

· to decrease dependence n the family

· senior citizen centers

· peer group associations

· to place older relatives in nursing homes

· to find nursing care

· to live in retirement communities

· the companionship of peers

· recreational and health services

· separation of generations

d) the types of families and challenges facing families:

· nuclear, extended families

· a single parent family

· reliance on extended family members

· to have intensive contact with relatives

· to establish communal living

· family ties and obligations

· to have strong obligations to other relatives

· to have one’s own separate residence

· to be economically independent

· to be heads of households

· to borrow money from

· to help with down payment

· to “pool” money

e)issue of working wives and husbands:

· to impose set gender roles

· to be responsible for financial/ emotional support, child raising, housekeeping;

· a breadwinner

· to live on one’s salary

· to contribute to the family income

· to work outside the home

· to be responsible for the maintenance, care of the household and children

· to pursue one’s interests

· to fulfill oneself

· to contribute to the larger society

· to find day care

· to obtain flexible work schedules

· to coordinate one’s time between home and work

· to change work patterns

· dual career couples

· to be strongly committed to one’s profession

f) challenges of single parent families:

· to end in divorce

· to receive alimony

· to be stretched to one’s limits

· to carry the burden of supporting a family

· step families, blended families

· to bring both sets of children into the marriage;




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