Banking

After reading the extremely complicated instruction for the automatic teller, the confused customer asked a bank officer:

– Excuse me, be so kind as to help me out.

Officer:

– Certainly, go out through this door.

The phrasal verb «to help out» has two meanings:

· to help to get out of something,

· to help someone with a need or difficulty.

Hence, you see that the kernel of this anecdote is based
on a pun. Many American and English anecdotes are made up the same way.

Here is another one of this kind. Try to understand it. You can check the result of your efforts looking up the dictionary of expressions at the end of this book.

Go ahead!

Good news and bad news

The accountant said to his client: There is good news, and there is bad news.

Client: Give me the bad news first.

Accountant: Your business is flat on its back.

Client (hopefully): And what is the good news?

Accountant: It’s looking up!

Diving

Longing to lean to scuba dive, Mr. Cousteau spent a vast amount of dollars for lessons, then for suit, tanks, mask and so on. Buying a boat and sailing to the Bahamas, he was full of pride as he went down for the first time.

Photographing the coral and fish, and using his waterproof pen and notebook to make notes, he was extremely astonished to find a man swimming below him without a scrap of equipment. Tapping the man on the shoulder, he wrote, «I spent a lot of money to learn to scuba dive, and you are here in just a bathing suit. How did you come to it?» Grasping the notebook and the pencil the stranger wrote hurriedly, «You, blockhead, I’m drowning».

Clothes and clothing

Watching her mother as she tried on her new fur coat young Becky said unhappily, «Mom, do you realize some poor defenseless dumb beast suffered so you could have that». Mother shot her daughter an angry look, «Becky, how dare you talk about your father that way»?!

Those who make their dress a principal part of themselves, will, in general, become of no more value than their dress.

W. Hazlit

What a man enjoys about a woman’s clothes are his fantasies of how she would look without them.

B. Francis

Wife (coming home from the store with a new dress):

Do you like it, darling?

Husband: But, honey, it’s made from plastic and is absolutely transparent. People will see right through it.

Wife: No, they won’t, darling. I’ll be inside of it.

It is not only fine feathers that make fine birds.

Aesop

In every hierarchy, each employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence; every post tends to be filled by an employee incompetent to execute its duties.

Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.

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Make up sentences using these phrasal verbs and expressions.	\|	When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.

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