Dummies

Customer: My computer won’t work. You, guys, must have broken it when you installed the modem.

Tech. Support: What happens when you turn it on?

Customer: It won’t turn on anymore!

Tech. Support: So, you don’t see any lights or hear any noise?

Customer: I’m telling you it won’t turn on.

Tech. Support: Is it plugged in?

Customer: Of course, it’s plugged in, you moron!

Tech. Support: When you push the power button it turns on.

Customer: Power button? This computer doesn’t have a power button.

Tech. Support: Sir, all computers have power buttons. Look at the front of the case, find the word «power», and push the button.

Customer: YOU FIXED IT! Thanks!!!

Tech. Support: What happens when you turn the computer on?

Customer: The screen just stays black.

Tech. Support: Is the computer plugged in?

Customer: I took it to a repair shop last week, and they apparently fixed it, so it doesn’t need a power cord anymore.

Tech. Support: Is the computer a laptop computer?

Customer: No, but they never gave me back the power cord, so they must have fixed it, so it didn’t need it.

Tech. Support: Go back to the repair store and get your power cord back. They just forgot to give it to you.

Tech. Support: Ok sir, let’s press the ctrl and esc keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the ‘Program Manager’.

Customer: I don’t have a ‘P’.

Tech. Support:On your keyboard, sir.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech. Support: ‘P’ on your keyboard, sir.

Customer: I’m not going to do that!!!

Tech. Support: You need to pick a password. It should contain a combination of numbers, symbols, and upper and lowercase letters.

Customer: Upper and lowercase? I don’t understand.

Tech. Support: You know, big letters and little letters.

Customer: Oh, of course! But I have to say, you must avoid that technical language with me!

Life experience

Inflation

Inflation has caused stores to adapt as well as consumers. Signs that used to read «Watch Your Children» now read «Watch Your Language».

Cooking

Ann confessed to her friend: My cooking left my husband cold.

- He divorced you?

- No, he died.

Dreams

Two friends were sitting in a bar and recounting their dreams. «I dreamed I was with my fishing road … beautiful lake, lush scenery …».

«I had a great dream too», said the other. «I dreamed I was with two beautiful women and had the time of my life».

His friend looked at him and asked indignantly, «You dreamed you had two pretty girls and you didn’t call me?!» «Oh, I did, «answered the other», but your wife said you had gone fishing».

Wife: Oh, my angel, I dreamed that you bought me a nice fur coat.

Husband

(feeling a trap): In your next dream wear it in good health.

«Doc», said the young man, «you have got to help me! Every night I have the same terrible dream. I’m lying in bed when the door opens and three beauties come in and start tearing off my blanket».

– And what do you do?

– I’m pushing them away.

– How can I help you?

– Break my arms!!!

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