You’ve been a captain on the high seas Bumbling about on deck and wisecracking your way out of everything
You’ve been the author of a classic children’s novel Posing as the father figure to a few kids who have none
You’ve been the comical owner of a magical chocolate factory Leading me to ask only “Why?” every step of the way
You’ve been a skilled but vengeful barber who had no problem Serving up his victims on a silver platter
You’ve been a timeless character from tales of old Who fought for his life against a headless fiend on horseback You’ve been a gentle yet misunderstood man With appendages so sharp they could cut through solid metal