Conflict Management Skills

In managing conflict you can choose from a variety of strategies, which this section will describe. Realize, however, that the strategies you choose will be influenced by several different factors, including (1) the goals to be achieved, (2) your emotional state, (3) your cognitive assessment of the situation, (4) your personality and communication competence, and (5) your culture and gender. Understanding these factors may help you select more appropriate and more effective strategies. And recent research finds that using productive conflict strategies can have lots of beneficial effects – whereas using inappropriate strategies may be linked to poorer psychological health.

The goals (short-term and long-term) you wish to achieve will influence what strategies seem appropriate to you. If all you want is to salvage today's date, you may want to simply give in and ignore the difficulty. In contrast, if you want to build a long-term relationship, you may want to analyze the cause of the problem and look for strategies that will enable both parties to win.

Your emotional state will influence your strategies. You're unlikely to select the same strategies when you're sad as when you're angry. You'll turn to different strategies if you're seeking to apologize than you would use if you were looking for revenge.

Your cognitive assessment of the situation will exert powerful influence. For example, your attitudes and beliefs about what is fair and equitable will affect your readiness to acknowledge the fairness in the other person's position. Your own assessment of who (if anyone) is the cause of the problem also will influence your conflict style. You may also assess the likely effects of potential strategies. For example, what do you risk if you fight with your boss by using blame or personal rejection? Do you risk alienating your teenager if you use force?

Your personality and level of communication competence will influence the way you engage in conflict. For example, if you're shy and unassertive, you may be more likely to want to avoid a conflict than to fight actively If you're extroverted and have a strong desire to state your position, then you may be more likely to fight actively and to argue forcefully.

Your culture and gender also will influence your strategies. As noted earlier, many Asian cultures emphasize the importance of saving face; consequently, Asians are less likely to use conflict strategies such as blame and personal rejection, as these are likely to result in a loss of face. People from cultures that look favorably on open conflict may be more apt to use argumentativeness and to fight actively Students from collectivist cultures prefer mediation and bargaining as conflict resolution strategies, whereas students from individualist cultures prefer a more adversarial and confrontational conflict style. Asian women are expected to be exceptionally polite, especially when in public conflict with men. In the United States, although conflict equality may be verbalized, many people expect women to be more polite and to pursue conflict is a nonargumentative way, whereas men are expected to argue forcefully and logically.

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