After the Conflict

After the conflict is resolved, there's still work to be done. Often after one conflict is supposedly settled, another conflict will emerge – because, for example, one personmay feel harmed and may feel the need to retaliate and take revenge in order to restore self-worth. So it's especially important that the conflict be resolved in such a way that it does not generate other, perhaps more significant, conflicts.

Learn from the conflict and from the process you went through in trying to resolve it. For example, can you identify the fight strategies that aggravated the situation? Do some people need a cooling-off period? Do you need extra space when upset? Can you identify when minor issues are going to escalate into major arguments? Does avoidance make matters worse? What issues are particularly disturbing and likely to cause difficulties? Can these be avoided?

Keep the conflict in perspective. Be careful not to blow it out of proportion – to define your relationship or your social or work group in terms of the conflict. Also, avoid the tendency to see disagreement as inevitably leading to major blowups. Conflicts in most interpersonal and group situations actually occupy a very small percentage of real time, even though in recollection they often loom extremely large.

Negative feelings frequently arise after a conflict, most often because unfair fight strategies were used – strategies such as personal rejection, manipulation, or force. Resolve surely to avoid such unfair tactics in the future, but at the same time let go of guilt and blame for yourself and others. If you think it would help, discuss these feelings with your partner, your group members, or even a therapist.

Increase the exchange of rewards and cherishing behaviors to demonstrate your positive feelings and to show that you're over the conflict. It's a good way of saying you want the relationship or the group to survive and to flourish.

Не знайшли потрібну інформацію? Скористайтесь пошуком google:

Генерація сторінки за: 0.005 сек.