The cocktail you couldn't mix

It's funny, isn't it, how your friends never seem to get on well together? Let me introduce you to some of mine. They're nice people, all of them, but put them in a room together and the silence is shattering. I just don't understand it. I should have known they wouldn't get on, though, from their drinking habits.

Retired Colonel, William Smythe-Johnson, MBE: double gins at hisclub with just adash of tonic and aslice of lemon, claret at dinner andbrandy, Frenchcognac, after dinner always has a cup oftea at four o'clock sharp.

His wife, Wilhelmina: dry martini most of the time, champagne cocktail, when entertaining -vintage champagne.

Will Smythe, bank manager: scotch andbourbon, usuallywithice, occasionallysoda, mainly at home goes mad withduty-free schnapps after annual skiing holiday, German light white wine with clients, sometimes treats himself to aglass of port after dinner.

His wife, Helen: Bacardi or otherwhite rums with variousmixers, most oftenCoke;insists on a glass ofmedium dry sherry before evening meal; they sharefreshly ground coffee (neverinstant) at breakfast and offer the childrenpure, natural, unsweetened, nothing-addedwhole fruit juice.

W. P. Smytheson, university professor: ateetotaller - greatest love (after books) acup of cocoaordrinking chocolatein the comfort of his rooms; drinksmineral water at the functions he has to attend.

Helena Johnson, fashion designer: occasionally a fewvodkas in thelounge; bar vermouth - Cinzano, Dubonnet, etc. - at home enjoys a goodsparkling wineas anaperitif.

Willy Johns, one of my best friends, a teacher: Guinness (draught, notbottled) in thesaloon bar;a lot oforange squash after cross-country runs with the boys.

Billy Johns, unemployed at the moment: eitherlager in the saloon bar or rough cider in thepublic bar; has had to cut down on drinking lately.

Bill Smith, labourer: drinksmild (dark beer) orbitter (brown beer) in the public bar; if he's won on the horses, he'll have abottle oflight ale and whisky.

His wife, Minny: drinksmilk stout, which makes her quitetipsy, or- less often -shandy (beer and lemonade), which doesn't; keeps an undrinkable blackcurrantcordial (she calls it aliqueur) for when visitors come - visitors don't come very often.

— Speaking

Discuss the answers to these questions:

1. What do you think a typical evening meal would be for each of the people in the text about drinking habits?

2. How serious would you sayalcoholism is in your country and/or any other countries you have visited?

Drinking

Part 1. Make sentence by connecting each person on the left below with the correct phrase on the right.

a)	A teetotaller	serves people in a pub.
b)	A secret drinker	runs a pub.
c)	A social drinker	has a drink from time to time
d)	An occasional drinker	only drinks with other people, e.g. at parties.
e)	An alcoholic	doesn’t want other people to know he drinks.
f)	A drunkard	drinks a lot.
g)	A ‘wino’	is often drunk.
h)	A heavy drinker	never drinks alcohol.
i)	A publican	produces beer in large quantities.
j)	A barman	is addicted to alcohol.
k)	A brewer	is a poor person, often homeless, who drinks anything, anywhere.

Part 2. The dangers of alcoholism are very real. Put the people in the above exercise (on the left) in order of the danger they are in from alcoholism, with those in greatest at the top. Then draw a line between those you think are safe alcoholism and those who might become, or already are, in danger from this disease.

Part 3. Match each drink on the left below with its description on the right.

a)	squash	a last (alcoholic) drink before going to bed
b)	a cocktail	a non-alcoholic fruit drink
c)	a nightcap	a mixture of beer and lemonade (or a similar drink)
d)	one for the road	a mixture of wine or spirits and hot water, sugar, lemon etc.
e)	a shady	a refreshing non-alcoholic drink, e.g. squash, coca-Cola
f)	punch	a single drink of spirits
g)	a soft drink	a mixed alcoholic drink
h)	a short	a last drink before driving

Part 4. From the list of drinks on the left above, choose one or more which would be a good drink for…

…. a children’s party

…. an adults’ party

…. a formal reception

…. someone who’s going to drive

…. a last drink of the evening

…. a hot day

…. someone who is nervous before an important occasion

…. someone who is trying to give up alcohol

Part 5. Put each of the following words into its correct place in the sentences.

sip	pub-crawl	toast	breathalyzer
drop	stagger	booze	corkscrew
intoxicated	vineyard	cheers	hangover

a)	Let’s open another bottle of wine. Where’s the __________?
b)	We went on a _________ last night. This morning I’ve got a terrible _________.
c)	Wine is made of grapes which is grown in a _______.
d)	Here’s a _______ to John and Elizabeth.
e)	Don’t drink it all at once. Just _______ it.
f)	When British people drink they often say, ‘_________’.
g)	The police stopped the driver and gave him a ________ test.
h)	I don’t want much, please, just a ________.
i)	A slang word for alcoholic drink is ‘________’.
j)	A formal word for ‘drunk’ is ‘_______’.
k)	He couldn’t walk properly, he could only ________.

Part 6. Briefly describe, as a warning of the possible dangers of alcohol, an evening in which some people start drinking and end up in a police cell. Use at least six of the words at the top of the exercise above.

Part 7. Explain the difference in each of the following pairs.

a)	sober and drunk
b)	tipsy and drunk
c)	still orange and fizzy orange
d)	draught beer and bottled beer
e)	‘on the wagon’ and teetotal
f)	vintage wine and ‘plonk’
g)	a pub and an off-licence
h)	neat whisky and whisky ‘on the rocks’
i)	‘Dutch courage’ and ‘to go Dutch’

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