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Fitting Description to the Thesis-Development-Conclusion Format

1. Proving the Thesis

Your reason for writing the essay must be stated in the thesis, and all descrip­tive information should support it. For instance, if you state that children reflect their parents’ behavior and values, don’t concentrate on the parents’ physical appearances. It doesn’t matter whether they are beautiful or hand­some, have blue or brown eyes or are tall or short. Instead, give and discuss examples of the altitudes or special qualities, such as kindness, honesty, and dependability (or the reverse), that make these parents good (or bad) role models for their children.

2. Ordering and Discussing Developmental Details

A descriptive essay that ignores order can be confusing and can stray from the stated purpose. Imagine that you are writing a descriptive paper explaining how you conquered a great fear. Suppose that just after you were licensed to drive, you were in a serious auto accident. Afterward, you were so afraid of driving or even riding in automobiles that you always took the bus or walked. Then, one day your favorite friends, James and Martha, convinced you to drive to the beach with them. You felt nervous and upset during the thirty-mile trip although you were somewhat relieved to be firmly safety belted to the back seat, the safest place in the car. The day passed happily—swimming, sunning, and picnicking. You stopped worrying about the long ride home. James and Martha went for a last swim, and you dozed in the warm sunshine. Frantic cries for help abruptly awoke you. Martha, caught in an undertow, was drown­ing. You ran for the lifeguard; James swam to help her. Martha was saved, but neither she nor James was able to drive home. The task fell to you.

How did this emergency help you conquer your fear of driving? You may order the experience chronologically—from start to finish—by describing each part of it. Did your hands perspire when James handed you the car keys? How did you feel when you slid in behind the wheel, backed the car out of the parking lot, merged into the heavy Sunday traffic, and braked violently for the first sudden stop? What thoughts ran through your mind when you saw a serious accident blocking traffic on the other side of the highway? How did you react when you finally drove into your friends’ garage? On the other hand, you may choose to describe the situation spatially. Perhaps the calm, pleasant country—rolling hills, grassy meadows, and neatly planted fields—outside the car was in sharp contrast to the mood inside. Your fear and your friends’ near tragedy may have combined to produce an unbearable tension that kept anyone from speaking; you were terrified of having an accident, Martha was in shock, and James was worried about you both. Another spatially organized essay might describe only your own sensations from head to toe—your head spinning, your arms feeling limp and numb, your heart pounding, your stom­ach churning, your legs weak, and your feet unable to respond to your brain’s commands to step on the accelerator or the brakes.

Once you have established an orderly means of presenting your material, be sure that you explain or discuss it. Try to intermingle details and your analyses of them. Sometimes, you may give several details before you state their importance. There is no set rule for the amount of explanation needed for each example.

3. Concluding a Description

Use the conclusion to test the effectiveness of your evidence. This is especially important in a descriptive essay because sometimes writers get so involved in the details that they forget the purpose of the paper. If, after finishing the essay, the reader’s reaction is "Nice description, but what’s the point?", then something is missing. Double check the following:

1. Is the thesis clear?

2. Are descriptive details and anecdotes well chosen and their meanings thoroughly discussed?

3. Does every bit of information included support the thesis?

If your answer to all three is "yes," the conclusion probably needs rewriting to include some kind of judgment about the evidence given.

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