Recording 3

B:But do you sometimes find that it goes so far that… I mean, very occasionally that you really do sort of er, I don’t mean hit them, particularly, but you you get really furious and you, you can’t really control yourself? Do you, do you find yourself… Have you ever found yourself in that position?

M: Certainly. Now… I have actually struck them from time to time. Only half a dozen times.

B: Well me too. I mean I, I freely admit once or twice it’s happened.

M: And it hurts me so much (Right) that it’s so appalling that I’ve stopped doing that and what I’ll do is I’ll actually turn round and walk away. I feel as though I’m very weak in a sense doing that, and I don’t, and I’m…

B: Well, I think that’s a good, I think that’s a good solution.

M: Well, I’m worried what effect it has on them. I don… I mean I don’t know whether they perceive me as being weak or whether they… it actually gives them a chance hopefully to think about what they’ve done. (Yes) I think it may do that because things tend to blow over fairly quickly after that.

C: Me? I don’t know. I mean, I have hit Emily and felt so bad about it afterwards as you said that I swore never to do it again. So yes, I mean, yesterday for example we had this confrontation where she wanted to open the fridge door and get some milk. And she instead of saying, you know, “Could I get the milk please?” – I was making a salad – she sort of whacked me and said, “Hey move over, I want the milk,” or something and I was just in that sort of mood as you are in the evening. I felt this is, this is not polite behavior so I’m going to say, “Look Emily, I’m sorry, you don’t do that. Will you please shut the fridge door, start again. And er, just say: “Could I get the milk please?” And she just wouldn’t. And she stamped her feet (I know) she… “I want the milk!” and she screamed and I just would not let go and stood in front of the fridge, sort of blocked it and said, “you’re not getting the milk until you ask me politely,” and I didn’t shout, I was very calm erm, and we had this awful discussion. At the same time my mother arrived for dinner, saw this going on sort of – she can let herself into the house – saw this going on and sort of left again, went round to the garden and we had, it was about three or four minutes with this stamping feet and in the end Jim, who was there, picked her up physically and took her up to her bedroom and said, “You stay there,” erm, and we went on and started having dinner. And then she came down, with a huge teddy bear, very sort of calmly, came down and said, “Oh, can I have some supper please?” (Yes) And she was so nice, sweet, she sort of stayed up there.

B: I think these things do tend to blow over pretty fast, don’t they?

C: It, I was very glad I hadn’t done anything myself though. I was glad that Jim took over.

B: It’s very good to have a second party around who can, can er, defuse the situation.

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