Ellen Goodman

Ellen Goodman was a Pulitzer prize winning columnist, author, speaker, and commentator, a chronicler of social change in America, especially the women’s movement and its effects on the public and private lives. Goodman’s columns covered a wide range of topics, including parenting, divorce, alternative lifestyles, feminism, male-female employment roles and so on. For some readers Goodman’s commentary was meaningful and penetrating; others found it to be predictable. Consider Goodman’s tone, and ask yourself whether this essay could be enjoyed equally by men and women.

There was a time in my life, I confess, when I thought that the only inherent differences between men and women were the obvious ones.

In my callous youth, I scoffed at the mental gymnastics of sociobiologists who leaped to conclusions about men and women from years spent studying bugs. I suspected the motives of brain researchers who split the world of the sexes into left and right hemispheres.

But now, in my midlife, I can no longer deny the evidence of my senses or experiences.

Like virtually every woman in America who has spent time beside a man behind a wheel, like every woman in America who has ever been a lost passenger outward bound with a male driver, I know that there is one way in which the male sex is innately different from the female: Men are by their very nature congenitally unable to ask directions.

The historical record of their unwillingness was always clear. Consider, for example, the valiant 600 cavalrymen who plunged into the Valley of Death… because they refused to ask if there wasn’t some other way around the cannons.

Consider the entire wagon train that drove into the Donner Pass… because the wagon master wouldn’t stop at the station marked Last Gas before the Disaster.

Consider even my own childhood. My father – a man with a great sense of humor and no sense of direction – constantly led us on what he referred to as “scenic routes”.

But for centuries we assumed that this refusal was a weird idiosyncrasy. We never dreamed that it came with the testosterone.

In recent years, I have from time to time found myself sitting beside men who would not admit they were lost until I lit matches under their fingertips in an attempt to read maps in a box canyon.

One particular soul would consult an astronomical chart for his whereabouts before he would consult a police officer. Another would use a divining rod or a compass before he would use a gas station attendant.

In the 1970s, people believed in roles instead of genes, and I assumed that this behavior came from growing up male in America. I figured that males were taught that being lost was a challenge and seeking help was a cop-out. I assumed that the lost highwayman thought of himself as the Daniel Boone of Route 66.

Finally, however, the new breed of scientists is offering us new insights, not into upbringing but into biology and brains.

The male brain, according to researches, is organized differently than the female. Men have better spatial abilities; women have better verbal abilities. Thus, we see the problem: Men read maps and women read people. The average woman uses the voice.

Due to this fact, the husband who is able to adequately drive into a tall booth and roll down the car window is handicapped with the inability to then ask the question: “Where is Route Twenty?” A man who can stick-shift and double-clutch, using his right hemisphere, is handicapped by his left hemisphere when it comes to asking, “Do we take a right here?”

It isn’t his fault, you understand. It has to do with our Darwinian roots (what doesn’t these days?). The primeval hunter couldn’t ask a highway patrolman which way the antelopes were running. He had to shut up and follow the tracks. A good berry picker, on the other hand, could follow advice.

These primitive differences have all the value of the appendix. They are likely to rupture in modern life. In my own life, the differences between the sexes have led to all sorts of misunderstandings and midnight hysterics. In other cases, they have led to deserted roadways, and divorce instead of doorsteps.

It is time for the female who finds herself in the passenger seat on a scenic tour to take the wheel or to be more understanding. After all, anatomy may not be destiny – but it has a lot to do with destination.

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