It will take time for you and your child to settle in

From under the duvet come the muffled sounds of sobbing. The curled up figure clutches a tear-stained teddy, taking comfort from its familiar smell. Yes, it’s the start of the school year, and another boarding-school parent is going through the mill.

You’ve bought the uniform, sewn in endless nametapes, filled in a myriad of different forms and waved your little darling off on the school coach or train. The flurry of activity of the past few weeks of the summer holidays has come to an end, neither with a bang, nor without a whimper. The excitement and anticipation are over, and while your child is still probably enthralled by the very newness of being at boarding school, you are home alone.

For most children, particularly those who have gorged themselves on a literary diet of Harry Potter and Mallory Towers, the idea of going away to boarding school is hugely exciting. They can’t wait to join in the pillow fights, midnight feasts and dorm high-jinks.

No, it’s the mummies and daddies left at home who tend to find the first term of boarding school the most difficult. Apart from the fact that they may not have been separated from their children for more than a few days at a time, parents realize that this is a rite of passage. Although the child may not be aware of this, going off to boarding school is their first step to their leaving the nest forever.

The key to surviving the first term is to make yourself busy. If you have only one child, your house may suddenly feel deathly quiet, and without the routine of school runs and after-school clubs, you may feel as though you are drifting along without an anchor. But now is your chance to do all those things that you used to moan you didn’t have time to do with children around.

The second point to consider is that you will only make things harder for your child if you let him know how much you miss him. Of course, you can’t go too far the other way and let them think that you are having a ball now that you have shunted them away to school (even if this is true). Don’t make them feel guilty if they are having a good time or be too bright and breezy if they are truly miserable.

Communications are a million times better than in our day. At my school, you had to book phone calls home in advance and have them signed off by your housemistress. The form had a column headed “reason for call”: nothing less than a death in family really qualified. “I want to talk to my Mummy,” cut no ice. Thankfully, those days are past and, with mobile phones, email and text messages, you and your child can talk every day. Don’t be upset, however, if he can manage only a brief hello. They normally just want to touch base with you and then get on with their activities or hang out with their friends.

It will take time for both you and your child to settle in to the new routine, and if you really can’t stand not having your child with you, then boarding is clearly not the right option. It’s what your child wants that is the important factor.

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