The Negatives and Positives of Conflict

There are both negative and positive aspects or dimensions to conflict; and let's look at each of these.

Some Negatives of Conflict

Conflict often leads to increased negative regard for the opponent; when this opponent is someone you love or work with on a daily basis, it can create serious problems for the relationship. One reason is that many conflicts involve unfair fighting methods that aim largely to hurt the other person. When one person hurts the other, increased negative feelings are inevitable; even the strongest relationship has limits.

Conflict frequently leads to a depletion of energybetter spent on other areas. This is especially true in the small group context; days and even weeks of 10 or 12 people's time can be wasted on conflicts instead of being devoted to solving the problem at hand.

At times conflict leads you to close yourself off from the other people involved. In an intimate relationship, for example, you may hide your true self on the theory that it would not be to your advantage to reveal your weaknesses to your "enemy" But at the same time, closing yourself off may also prevent meaningful communication from taking place. One possible consequence is that one or both parties may seek intimacy elsewhere. This often leads to further conflict, mutual hurt, and resentment – all of which can add heavily to the costs carried by the relationship. As these costs increase, exchanging rewards may become difficult, perhaps impossible. The result is a situation in which the costs increase and the rewards decrease – a situation that often results in relationship deterioration and eventual dissolution.

Some Positives of Conflict

The major value of interpersonal and small group conflict is that it forces you to examine a problem and work toward a potential solution. If people use productive conflict strategies, the relationship or group may well emerge from the encounter stronger, healthier, and more satisfying than before.

Conflict enables each of you to state what you want and– if the conflict is resolved effectively–perhaps to get it. In fact, a better understanding of each other's feelings has been found to be one of the main results of the "first big fight". Conflict also prevents hostilities and resentments from festering.

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