Win-Lose and Win-Win Strategies

If you look at interpersonal and small group conflict in terms of winning and losing, you'll see that there are four potential outcomes: (1) A wins, B loses; (2) A loses, B wins; (3) A loses, B loses; and (4) A wins, B wins.

In managing conflict you have a choice and can seek to achieve any one of those combinations of winning and losing. You can look for solutions in which one person or one side wins (usually you or your side) and the other person or other side loses: win-lose solutions. Or you can look for solutions in which both you and the other person or side win: win-win solutions.

Obviously, win-win solutions are the most desirable. Perhaps the most important reason is that win-win solutions lead to mutual satisfaction and prevent the resentment that win-lose solutions often engender. Looking for and developing win-win solutions makes the next conflict less unpleasant; the participants can more easily view conflict as "solving a problem" rather than as "fighting." Still another advantage is that win-win solutions promote mutual face-saving: Both parties can feel good about themselves. Also, people are more likely to abide by the decisions reached in a win-win conflict than they are in win-lose or lose-lose situations. For all these reasons, win-win solutions are worth seeking whenever possible.

Avoidance and Active Fighting

One nonproductive conflict strategy is avoidance.Avoidance may involve actual physical flight: You may leave the scene (walk out of the apartment or meeting room). Or you may simply psychologically tune out all incoming arguments or problems. In the United States men are more likely to use avoidance than women.

Nonnegotiationis a special type of avoidance. Here you refuse to discuss the conflict or to listen to the other person's argument. At times nonnegotiation takes the form of hammering away at your own point of view until the other person gives in, a method referred to as steamrolling.

Instead of avoiding the issues, take an active role in your conflicts. Don't close your ears (or mind) or walk out during an argument.

To take an active role, involve yourself on both sides of the communication exchange. That is, participate actively as a speaker-listener; voice your own feelingsand listen carefully to the voicing of your opponent's feelings. Be willing to communicate as both sender and receiver – to say what is on your mind and to listen to what the other person is saying.

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